Revelations.

"You can't break up with me before we actually even go out!"

It has come to my attention that perhaps I keep too far of a distance from people.

Trauma Junkie

To tie off a large bleeding vessel, one does a figure-eight knot. Stab through the middle, loop around, tie, loop around, tie...hold breath...release the clamp...wait for rebleeding...breathe.

I've been dreaming about surgery lately. When I've actually slept, that is...

Don't forget to turn on the bone saw before engaging the bone or else you risk losing control.

Controlled chaos. That's really what surgery is. That's what trauma is.

The pager goes off. ETA 3 minutes. Too many people in the room. Expecting...the worst....
Go through the motions. Gown on. Right glove. Left glove.
Patient's here. Too many people. Let's all yell at once.
Gotta do something, too nervous to do nothing.
Primary survey. ABCs. Stabilize. Wheel him out. Surgerize.

Too quiet. This trauma bay is too quiet now. Don't think that! Don't say the q-word!

Pager goes off.

The Pros and Cons of General Surgery

As I am almost halfway through my surgery rotation, I feel it is time to assess the likelihood of it being a wise career option for me.

Pros:
--I love the OR
--My personal hero, Dr. Moncure
--I'm already cynical and malignant, why not advance to the point of no return
--As the psych resident I had to work with said: I can continue "sublimating [my] desire to hurt people into operating"

Cons:
--Lots of standing = swollen cankles
--Shannon: "So, Dr. ___, how many kids do you have?"
Dr. ____: "Two. Why do you ask? Are you expecting one?"
--Upon leaving early after only 12 hours at work, I saw lots of motorcycles in the parking lot and realized it is nice weather outside. I show up before sunrise and go to bed before sunset.
--Is there....hand insurance I can take out?
--Drawing out arterial supply and venous drainage to whichever organ my attending fancies that day
--There might come a day when penis jokes get old
--The Swamp

Everyone, Meet My New Boyfriend

After receiving this love letter on myspace, I think it is pret-ty clear why I totally swooned for this catch. We're getting married next week.

" hey im 24 yr old male from kansas city
im 6foot brown hair blue eyes athletic
i have 2 jobs one im a supervisor at a warehouse and other one i work for tech n9ne
i got my own house and all that
i was just telling u a lil bout me cause i saw ur profile and u seemed hella cool and wanted to get to know u more
so if u want tell me a lil bit bout u?
u into meetin new people on here?
PS so text me 9132791458
michael
ps im gettin off here so text me if u wanna talk im not one of them crazy guys thats gonna bug u either just wanna meet new people and shit"

Myspace Profiling

Clearly, MySpace is selling information about me to advertisers. How else do you explain THIS:

Validation!

Today was a momentous day. One that shall go down in history.
So I'm sitting around the apartment thumbing through the new issue of Glamour while wearing a pair of sweatpants I've been bumming around the house in for about a week when I realize:
I bought a skirt at H&M two months ago that is now being featured as a suggestion to buy in Glamour's December issue.
Conclusions:
1. I am clearly fashion forward.
2. I am a trendsetter.
3. I am also very popular and attractive. Don't try to pretend you don't see the connection.

Rhythm and Blues

Tonight's a night
To listen to the blues
Let your emotions follow
The tap of your shoes

That last cadence
Had me fooled
Never again
I said to the muse

And he laughed back
For he knows me well
We've been here before
Hopes hit the floor

The music sounded
Sincere this time
I'd found a beat
My sway could mime

But the muse does not
Belong to me

We're finicky lovers
Wound up in these blues
Yes-men to a song
Without a tune